So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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