Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
