sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
