why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
