alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
