3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
