She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
