if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
