addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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