i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
