her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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