Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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