My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They are going to name an STD after you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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