Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Randomize
