How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think my moral compass just broke
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
