It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
