im drinking this country out of the recession.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
