well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
