I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize