speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
