dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
