Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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