my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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