he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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