It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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