Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
