you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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