he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
