i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
