Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
