i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
