okay pat passed out under dana's car
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
