Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
