guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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