I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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