I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
