Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
