Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
