had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
