She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
