420 ftw
Screwed.edu
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
