We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
