Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
