Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
