i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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