the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
