apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
