maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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