I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
