i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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