go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
